I was listening to Sheila Walsh in a chat show this morning where she recounts her story of breaking down on a live televised show – 700 Club. She ended up in a hospital getting help and on anti-depressants.
She was told not to tell the public about what had happened to her, but she knew God was asking her to be transparent, open and honest. The day the 700 Club viewed that show was the day she received over 5000 emails from people all over the world! Her willingness to be vulnerable led to many people being set free and healed. She says “Brokenness is a far better bridge to people than pretended holiness.”
She also quoted Joyce Meyer “God’s love shows itself better through broken pots than through perfect ones.”
I was reflecting on my own experiences and that of those who come for counselling at Sanctuary this morning. I found myself asking a lot of questions. Why is there a stigma on mental illness? Why are people reluctant to come and receive help in counselling? Why do men in particular seldom ask for help or come on board as counsellors? Why are people afraid to be honest, vulnerable, open and transparent? Why is being strong, able to cope on our own and being self-sufficient something to be desired or held up as a trophy?
There are probably so many answers to those questions. Perhaps the world we live in has taught us that others cannot be trusted with that which is close to our hearts, and that the battle always goes to the strongest and fastest. If we show we are “weak” others will then take advantage of us. What will they think of us? The fear of man dictates so much of what we believe and dictates our choices. We do whatever it takes to keep man happy and pleased with us no matter what the cost.
Men are taught as little boys “Don’t cry! Only girls cry.” We then wonder why men struggle to show or voice their emotions! They are taught that it is only acceptable to show anger or aggression because that is “macho.” So ladies, if your men are doing this, remember he could be struggling with other emotions like depression and anxiety. This is, of course, a generalisation but it is more the norm than it is the exception. As women, we can teach /help them to get in touch with those emotions.
Is it not time to admit where we are broken and to bring it to Gods healing light out of the darkness? Is it not time we ask for help and in doing so not to be ashamed that we are doing so? Shame breeds fear, blame and disconnection. Can we not drop those masks and let others in? Are we going to follow the crowd doing and thinking what is popular so that we fit in?
I love what John Maxwell says “The opposite of courage is not cowardice but conformity.”
Brene Brown says “Vulnerability is not weakness. It is an emotional risk, exposure and uncertainty. It is our most accurate measurement of courage. It is to be seen and to be honest.”
How do we then break shame and fear of showing our brokenness and being vulnerable?
We start by showing ourselves empathy, by allowing ourselves to admit we are not as strong as we make ourselves to be and by offering ourselves the same compassion we would to a friend in that same situation. We then reach out to someone we know we can trust (a friend, counsellor or family). We are quick to quote the passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 where it talks about patience, kindness etc. but fail to give ourselves that very same mercy. Lastly feel free to share your story and your brokenness and watch what our God will do!
Olga Fredericks
